The Control Agenda: A Trap That Looks Like a Solution
We all have a mind that promises relief through control.
Control your thoughts, it says.
Control your emotions.
Control your stress.
Control your people.
Control your outcomes.
The problem isn’t the desire to control. After all, in certain contexts, control is life-saving. The problem is that we apply control strategies where workability, not domination, is required.
In cognitive flexibility terms, this shows up as experiential avoidance: the persistent effort to push away discomfort, uncertainty, and vulnerability. In leadership and performance? It masquerades as micromanagement, burnout, or the inability to delegate or trust.
Let’s be clear: control works … until it doesn’t.
It’s effective with a steering wheel or a spreadsheet. But when you apply control to your internal experience – your fear, doubt, or shame – you end up fighting a war within yourself. A war you can’t win because you are the battlefield.
This internal struggle shows up physiologically too. The nervous system contracts. Your breath shallows. The cortex narrows its options. It’s like trying to solve an adaptive challenge with a fire extinguisher: wrong tool, wrong problem.
So, what’s the alternative?
Willingness. Awareness. Perspective-taking. Values-based action.
When we drop the agenda of control, we begin to notice something radical: we can make space for the uncomfortable and still move toward what matters.
We can feel fear and still lead. We can experience doubt and still show up. We can have painful thoughts and still act in alignment with our deepest commitments.
In a world obsessed with optimisation and efficiency, this is disruptive. But it’s also liberating.
Because real control – if you insist on the word – comes not from tightening the grip, but from loosening it.
Letting go of control as the agenda, and stepping into engaged living as the alternative.
Not sure what’s got you stuck, but you know you need change?
Start your own journey with a quick check-in.